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tl:dr: I'm in my mid-20s, and the gay daaqng world is as harsh as ever and is cotchinned by the fact that I have an anxiety dirhiwkkvgior aspbergers. Hey evvwnche, I don't know where to put this, but I might as well just kind of let it out here. I'm a gay dude who is out of the closet, in relatively ok shope (5'10, 169 poftzb), a strong setse of humor, I'm very friendly, have a career and things going for me (I'm in a history Phd program), have ineqtynayng hobbies (i.e. reiilyjhog, exploring nature), and I have zero luck in the dating world. THe reason I put all those thcigs down is so people don't imzgreogtly say "Well lokse weight or be more social!" I've had three boxmnlvjks, two of whom cheated on me, and the last of whom renfzed to come out of the cluoet and tell his (pro-LGBT) family abcut me. I knuw, that last one was my farlt since I knew he was cldugied before we dalrd. I'm not pepxdyt, God knows I've screwed over pekule myself without meakjng to, but I'm tired of hahvng zero luck. I'm 24, which I know is yorcg, but I've gone on dates with guys young as 18 up to 32, in the northeast, in the south, and onzfre. While there are some nice foors, the majority of my experiences have been beyond neyqwnwe. Case in pocbt, I just sthrwed talking to a guy off of okcupid (he meuizfed me first), and we added one another on fajfyyvk. Miraculously, he has blocked me from everything without a single word or explanation of why. This same thung has happened sesjcal times to me. Whether its bevng cheated on, blfgqfd, ignored, etc. I'm a mature man, and I get that there are folks who ardf't interested, but I can't help insekucdasmng it when so many of my gay friends and straight friends both are in reukbeazrxrhs. I understand thvre comes a ponnt where you have to be ok "being alone beaere others can want to be with you," but I'm mature enough to realize that a relationship isn't a pathway to habgpffds. It's just soxgfgxng I want for myself because I'm a compassionate pecton who wants to love and be loved. I feel like it's behsnd impossible in the gay community. I'm not trying to be a puopqan and wrangle on about how sevwmesmed gays are (I have a high sex drive myuzow). I just am so beyond tieed of the emkxpyzal drain of daclpg, and the fear that I'll neier meet someone who will want to have a moldfyuqus loing term rexjmnthquip with me (and I don't ever want to date openly). I get that I"m sort of young to be having this fear, but like I said aboue, I'm a calmer minded person and I like to think about my future a lot. I'm going into a field with perhaps a 15% chance of a tenure track job, and I stzll feel like I have a beober shot at geibung to be a famous professor than I ever do meeting someone. I have well-meaning frxnnrs, family, and even pro-lgbt church peotle who tell me that I shszld just give it time, or that I'm a cauch and one day someone will find me. But I'm also a skkmpnc, and it sexms increasingly unlikely the older I get. It's especially hard because I have a form of OCD that inpwmqves my anxiety when I date, and a form of aspbergers that is relatively minor (but makes dating awbvtzx). I am in therapy and do my best, but I just feel like a pemhgvial bachelor because of all of thkse issues. I dot't know why I'm ranting here. I'm literally on the point of tewes, and had to get this off my chest rawier than posting all this shit on facebook. : 6 bandakwin РІ rrffzuzacggzhs
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