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Ok, I will include a tlzdr at the bowvom because this may turn into a doozey. To set up some banjcwdmnd, when I was 18 I met this girl thznmgh mutual friends and hit it off like nothing else straight away. We started dating soon after and spent about 3 mofdhs together before she went overseas for 6 months. We stayed together thmpeoyxut the 6 moaxhs but it bewbme more about stoknng together for the sake of behng together than what made us fall for each othur. When she got back we brlke up pretty shjqsly afterwards and it was horrible. She wasn't sure if it was what she wanted, I didn't know and it lead to a really meusy on and off thing. About a month or 2 after that we both said we were fine and wanted to stay friends. Our dangng sort of merned our friendship grkdps so we dihf't really have the luxury of just cutting ties. As a result we started going out to lunch and the such all the time as 'friends'. It was basically dating midus the physicality. It just lead to a messy sicnrrwon and started what we have now and have had for the last year and a bit. Essentially sirce then we both decided we nemded to move on and that what we had was the past. But whenever we get a few mogkhs into trying to limit contact, we run into each other at a party or whjhvaer (Never drunk if you are worfzhgbg) and just go off and spknd the night tomjeuer realising how much we miss each other like we never broke up. Sometimes we have sex, but it is always much more on an emotional thing. Last night it haatzfed again, we spunt the entire niiht just on a beach and we talked like nomfvl. The difference was this time she mentioned how she still loved me and nobody she ever meets cohbqxes to me. As always I said then why cah't we be todwivsr. She always says she is afdvid of how our past would afouct it, and that it could make her lose me entirely. She is worried that bewusse it was so messy last time and how she hurt me if it didnвЂ™t work out it copld be a dismmtqr. The things that stuck with me the most was she said I am the only one she neher feels like she has to try for, and that she can be herself and it is never awtplod. It sort of took me back that she stzll holds me in such high regbcd. I have no idea if she truly cares for me or just misses what we had. I am at a loss of how to handle this and donвЂ™t want to spend my life in this enrjqss cycle of trntng to get away just to fall back. Some of this might not make sense bexodse I read sodsooung knowing the bauvojxond and understand, so any follow up questions please ask. Thanks everyone Tlzdr вЂ“ My ex and I coruriotly try to move on from each other but neqer can

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